Thursday, July 26, 2007

Rickey's Back... With Recommendations!

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way shape or form a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week’s vacation themed installment of

RICKEY RECOMMENDS:

Going for a dip in a 50 degree New Hampshire mountain stream. Once you get over the fact that you’re shocking the ever living hell out of your central nervous system, doing this can be a quite refreshing practice. As an added bonus, the onset of hypothermia actually feels quite tingly and nice. Ms. Henderson has multiple pictures/videos of Rickey freezing his ass off in White Mountain streams over the past week and you silly bastards get to see none of them.

Old-timey pancake houses. No, not those IHOP places, we’re talking about places like the NH fixture, Polly’s Pancake Parlor. Here’s how pancake houses work: you sit down, admire all the crazy maple syrup harvesting apparatuses on the walls, and then guzzle some pure regional maple syrup and proceed to quietly vibrate in your chair while waiting for your pancakes to be brought to you. Then you eat the pancakes. It’s a fantastic experience, trust us.

New England Fried Clams. (We’re talking the large juicy variety, not the frozen tv dinner style that most diners serve). Mmmm, fried clams…

Not driving up Mt. Washington in the rain. A 12% road grade for eight miles doesn’t sound like much to the casual driver, but we assure you, it’s a daunting challenge. The fact that the ascent is fraught with hairpin turns, contains no guiderails whatsoever, has a 20 foot visibility distance, and ends with you in the middle of a goddamned cloud should also be taken into consideration. But hey, Rickey and Ms. Henderson did get the bumper sticker. Next summer: the ascent of Kilimanjaro, pulled by meerkats.

Not single-handedly consuming an entire bottle of cheap red wine on a scenic train ride through the Mt. Washington Valley. Generally, this practice tends to make the other passengers eye you a little funny.

[and that’s it for the vacation-themed recommendations] Now that he’s back in moderately saner climes, Rickey also recommends:

Making an A-Rod biopic starring Sasha Baron Cohen. Seriously: This. Must. Happen. Currently, Rickey has very little sway with the Hollywood studios, so one of you will have to carry the torch. Also, the role of Derek Jeter would ideally be played by Lance Bass. Someone get on this pronto.

That last Harry Potter book that the kids seem so fond of. Rickey’s read it (as well as the two previous installations) and it’s not half bad really. Just heavily formulaic. Be prepared to essentially read a Mad Lib consisting of: [Character] appears as [Character] in [Place] in order to retrieve [Item] but is caught by [Character] but is able to escape using [Spell/Event]. That’s Rickey’s big issue with the middle section of the book. The end is pretty dazzling however.

Wearing a British judge’s wig to your upcoming jury duty stint. Rickey’s gotten the call and this Monday, he’s showing up for jury duty in full-blown parliamentary attire circa 1648. This isn’t contempt of court, right?

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7 comments:

mr. met said...

Were you drinking the wine out of the bottle? I would think that makes all the difference.

Adam said...

I fucking love fried clams.

Sorry, I curse because I really feel it.

Rickey Henderson said...

No, Mr. Met, not straight from the bottle. A funnel was involved. We find that funneling anything adds a certain extra touch of class.

Spot on Adam--good to see we're on the same page. Really any variety of fried mollusc is worth cursing enthusiastically about.

Mrs Furious said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mr Furious said...

"Wearing a British judge’s wig to your upcoming jury duty stint. Rickey’s gotten the call and this Monday, he’s showing up for jury duty in full-blown parliamentary attire circa 1648. This isn’t contempt of court, right?"

That rules! Who cares if it's contempt? Take pictures! Video! You'll be famous! At least on my blog. And maybe YouTube...

Egan Foote said...

Egan prefers french toast to pancakes.

Egan, out.

Alex said...

didn't know that polly's was on the intramanet, that's crazy.