Friday, June 8, 2007

Whither Shawn Green?

It’s been a while since we’ve felt the need to discuss the Mets, so lets get right down to brass tacks: Rickey is currently freaking out a little bit. Getting swept by the Phillies is painful enough, but when you factor in the manner in which it happened as well as the sickening Endy Chavez injury, it feels like a swift kick to the nether region. Looking at the schedule ahead, the Mets play Detroit, LA, The Yanks, The Twins, The Cardinals, The A’s and then the Phillies again at end of month. Make no mistake, this is a test, and the Mets need to prove that they’re still the best team in the National League.

Call Rickey nuts, but he believes that the Mets’ recent floundering is strongly linked to the notable Jewish vacancy in right field. Shawn Green (Ms. Henderson’s favorite Met by a landslide) has been on the DL for quite some time now and Rickey places the blame for the Mets’ mini-slump squarely on his absence. Now Rickey really isn’t “knowledgeable” on the intricacies of baseball in the way that some other fans are, and therefore has no statistics whatsoever to back any element of this theory up. But hey, it’s much more fun to go through life by relying on “feelings” rather than “proven facts.” (Granted, this is probably why Rickey’s fantasy baseball team is currently second to last in its league).

Point in case: on a recent car ride with some friends, the topic of gas mileage arose. Rickey informed his buddies that his aging Volvo gets good gas mileage. When asked to back this claim up, Rickey replied, “hey, piss off, I just feel like it gets good gas mileage.” And frankly, that’s enough for Rickey to sleep soundly at night. Stats are boring.

So getting back to the issue at hand, the Mets needs Green. Call him “Mr. Intangibles.” Call him “The Hebrew Hammer.” Call him “That lanky guy who under no circumstances should ever get his head shaved.” Call him whatever you damn well please. He’s a rock star at the plate. Word ‘round the playground is that he’ll be rejoining the Mets sometime this coming week, and his return comes not a moment too soon. So what if players usually don’t bounce right back after a 15 day stint on the DL? Rickey is once again ignoring proven stats and trends and going with his gut. Look for Greenie to call down the rain when he returns to the lineup.

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4 comments:

Adam said...

Brass taxes? Oh, no, no, no...

It's Brass TACKS!!! And while we're at it, it's not "French benefits", they're called FRINGE BENEFITS. And you don't put your family jewels in a "safety deopsit box"-- it's a SAFE deposit box. Phew.

Rickey Henderson said...

Wow, Rickey has been calling it that for years. You're sure about this? "Brass Taxes" sounds much more logical to Rickey...

Nonetheless, correction noted. See, THIS is why Rickey needed an ombudsman.

Adam said...

Fucking a, dude!

Mike said...

The Hebrew Hammer must return.