Thursday, April 12, 2007

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Again, this is in no way a complete rip off of McSweeney’s (fa-la-la-la-la, lawyers, Rickey can’t hear you). Enjoy this week's installment of

RICKEY RECOMMENDS:

Bringing a flask and blanket to Mets night games in April. It was abominably cold last night—‘nuff said. Smuggling a flask into Shea tempers the soul against things like bitter wind and the nightmarish sight of Oliver Perez walking in three runs in one inning. A blanket also keeps you warm, and gives you something to hide under when you realize that Oliver Perez could potentially be the second coming of Victor Zombrano.

Coffee from 7-Eleven. Ms. Henderson was right; it’s actually fairly decent stuff. Just be prepared to hear office rumblings about your “horrific coffee breath,” ok? Or just buy some gum. Whatever… Stan in personnel totally has it coming to him.

The new album by Kings of Leon, “Because of the Times.” Thought that Southern Rock was dead? Think again—these guys have fused it with the indie genre. The results are quite good. This album is best enjoyed while sitting on your porch, drinking a mint julep and cleaning your shotgun.

Not giving a rat’s ass about football this season. We know, Rickey says it every year, but this time he means it for real. Ridiculously over commercialized violent sports just don’t do it for him anymore. This season, the closest Rickey intends to get to football on TV is watching “Friday Night Lights.”

UNO. You know that quirky card game you played in 3rd grade? That bizarre little game that you always suspected was created by the same guys who invented Esperanto? Well now it’s online and is still an enjoyable way to blow off some steam. And its camera enabled, so you can actually see the people you’re trouncing online. Just be prepared for the occasional flash of genitals. Nothing ruins an UNO game like the sudden appearance of man-junk on your TV screen.

Not preordering “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” Seriously, why feed the beast? Congratulations J.K. Whateveryournameis, you raised yourself from rags to riches by blending Roald Dahl, Star Wars, and Lord of the Rings into the most derivative tripe ever written. Rickey mainly bears a grudge against these books because a random passenger on the train once told him he looked like Harry Potter. Pricked Rickey’s ego, it did.

Locating the best chicken wings in your immediate vicinity. As a responsible citizen, you should always be cognizant of the following things: what direction North is, who Teddy Roosevelt was, whether you can turn right on red, and the best chicken wings merchant within a 20 mile radius. (Hint: it’s not Planet Wings). Know all these things and you’ll be just fine.

And that’s it for this week folks. (Pardon the slight uptick in bitterness for this week’s column: Rickey is still reeling from last night’s bad weather and spectacularly poor performance by Oliver Perez). Mets pitching coach Rick Peterson summed it up best: “He started battling himself. Once it becomes Oliver Perez vs. Oliver Perez, somebody’s got to lose.”

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8 comments:

Adam said...

Yeah, I recommend bringing a flask to the office too, if you have to work late and follow the game on GameCast or soemthing awful like that.

BTW, the best wings in Westchester are at the "Candlelight Inn" on Central Ave. in Scarsdale. Rickey, you make the call and we're going.

Rickey Henderson said...

As fate would have it that happens to be the very same wings joint Rickey linked to. And he's totally down for a venture there sometime soon.

Mike said...

Well-stated re baseball, Ollie's control problems, and football.

And I'm intrigued by the Indie, Southern rock thing.

But: Just be prepared for the occasional flash of genitals.

I think I need an explanation. This is scary.

Toasty Joe said...

Best chicken wings in my vicinity are at the Back Page. Yummm.

And let me just note, once it becomes Rickey vs. Rickey, everybody wins.

Rickey Henderson said...

Mike--the way it works is people have cameras for the xbox 360. So live video of all the UNO players shows up on your tv screen. So, if someone decides to drop their pants, place the camera 2 inches from their groin and jump up and down... well, it's a special moment, to phrase it politely.

Mike said...

Lemme guess: not too many hot female players, and not too many of 'em "dropping trou" mid-game, huh?

Ed in Westchester said...

Excellent choice. I used to live in the red brick co-op complex that is basically next door (Scarsdale Country Estates) and went there all the time. Excellent. Good burgers as well.

Ed in Westchester said...

Oh, and not sure if it is still there, since its been a while, but on West 4th St in Manhattan, "Down the Hatch" had excellent wings.
Nutso crowd on Saturdays during college football season though.