Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Less then twelve hours until the draft for Rickey’s fantasy baseball league... And oh boy, is he excited. Go “Mensch Warmers,” go! So to celebrate, Rickey is once again posting recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. (All products and advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved). Enjoy this week's installment of:

RICKEY RECOMMENDS:

Not being shoehorned into planning a retirement party for your boss. It sucks, hard. After spending nearly two days deciding which copyright-free illustrations to choose from for a retirement party flyer, Rickey is totally fed up. Screw it; he’s going with the “horn of plenty” and “top hat with white gloves and a cane” clip-art pictures. This will undoubtedly be the most bizarre retirement party invitation ever made. And we haven’t even entered the party decorations phase yet.

The Brewtender Beer Dispenser. Described by one of Rickey’s friends as “the best gift one man could ever possibly get another man.” Too true Adam, too true. Rickey’s getting all misty just thinking about owning one of these. Jebus, why are these things on backorder?

Rolling up your shirtsleeves while at the office. Because nothing says “I’m hard at work” quite like rolled up shirtsleeves. The best part? Rolling up your shirtsleeves takes very little work at all.

Seeing the sequel to Grosse Point Blank when it comes out. The first movie was terrific (rent it ASAP if you’ve never seen it). For the sequel it appears that the scriptwriter just ignored the ending to the last one and assumed nobody would ask “where’s Minnie Driver and her giant head?”

Viva Piñata. In terms of cuteness, replay value, and quirky appeal, this is quite possibly the best game ever made. More importantly, it’s the one Xbox 360 game Ms. Henderson has shown any remote interest in. (Why women don’t like Halo is a total mystery to Rickey). Did you know that raisants and buzzlegums don’t get along, and that for a chippopatamus to appear in your garden, you must have 500 square pinometers of water and 14 watercress or 14 water lilies? No? Well you will, and you’ll probably be saying all sorts of weird shit like that in your sleep after two hours with this devilish little game.

Being a little superstitious. True story: yesterday Rickey noticed a cardinal flying outside. Rickey took a sip of tea from his trusty Mets mug and the cardinal quickly fluttered away. Is it mere coincidence that the Mets trounced the St. Louis Cardinals again last night? Rickey thinks not. However Rickey draws the line at tossing salt over his shoulder and sticking pins in voodoo dolls. You should too.

Owning a fireplace that plays music from your ipod in a side-mounted alcove. And so continues the dizzying race to see who can produce the most inane ipod-compatible gadget. Is this device even remotely necessary? No, but it sports twin four- x nine-inch speakers, puts out 65,000 BTUs and comes in 11 stucco colors. And Rickey’s not really sure what half of that means. Just act impressed, ok?

And finally, for the ladies, Rickey strongly recommends purchasing the world’s first perfume inspired by the bible. Evidently the fragrance is designed to be “a reminder of God, Christ, spiritual self and soul.” For comedic purposes alone, a perfume like this is invaluable. Plus, you get to hear your significant other say things like: “Jesus, what smells?”

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5 comments:

Mike said...

My goodness, that beer dispenser is a thing of beauty. I'm not even sure how it works, but since cold beer seems to come out of it, it must be a scientific miracle.

Adam said...

I bought the Beer Tender for a friend about a year and a half ago and his whole life has been on the upswing since. Cold beer = happiness. Fuck those Brits and their non-refrigeration.

Toasty Joe said...

Rickey, is that pinata game really good? I've been looking for a new game ever since I finished the Godfather last month.

Rickey Henderson said...

Joe: it depends on what you're looking for. Viva Pinata is pretty much all about maintaining a garden full of goofy looking plants and animals. The Godfather this is not... But it's incredibly addictive and fun once you get into it.

Mike said...

Rickey - I have one additional recommendation you should add to "Rickey Approves":

Starting the season 4-0 & outscoring the opposition 31-3.