Wednesday, February 7, 2007

This is where Rickey posts recommendations of noteworthy consumables, practices, and pastimes that have been deemed invaluable for the reader’s betterment. All products and advice listed herein have been Rickey tested and approved. Enjoy this week's installment of:

RICKEY RECOMMNDS:

Aviator sunglasses. So what if the Unabomber and DKE frat boys favor these? So does Jack Bauer. You’re bringing the style back damnit.

Broadband internet access. You know that rabid raccoon with the basket of bytes strapped around its neck scurrying back and forth between your computer and your ISP? Yeah, well it turns out that recent advances in high speed data transmission have rendered that fucker obsolete. Rickey’s apologies to the raccoon. Get broadband.

The musical stylings of “Neutral Milk Hotel.” As a rule, indie rock bands that employ bagpipes are worth your time and money. “The Decemberists” are ripping these guys off big time and no one has the balls to call ‘em on it.

Owning a flask. Because nothing says “I’m classy” quite like an alcoholic vessel bearing V.I. Lenin’s likeness. If anyone asks you about the October Revolution of 1917, remember to get all misty eyed and gaze far away into the distance.

Scrabble. Seriously, when’s the last time you played this? It’s far better than Trivial Pursuit and not as obnoxiously Jewish as Monopoly. (Rickey’s a half-Jew, so he gets to say things like that periodically).

Blue Moon Beer. (Rickey loves the fact that there’s a scarily obsessive website named “My Life Is Beer!”). Anyway, this is an unfiltered wheat beer with a nice strong taste—one of Rickey’s favorite brands. Contrary to popular belief, oranges have no place whatsoever in this beverage. If your adult beverage distributor doesn’t carry brand this then they don’t deserve your business.

The Departed. No matter what anyone tells you, this is Scorcese at the top of his game (despite the movie’s so-so third act). Alec Baldwin and Mark Wahlberg’s performances alone make this flick worth purchasing.

Listening to Steve Somers on WFAN. Is he the most knowledgeable sports radio host out there? Nope, not by a long shot. But he’s definitely the most ridiculously Jewish, and his callers are even better. Mike and the Mad Dog have nothing on this guy--his evening schmooze is not to be missed. www.wfan.com streams all their broadcasts live for all you non Tri State Area readers.

Keeping pickles in your refrigerator. A well stocked refrigerator is still incomplete without pickles. And none of this “half-sour” pussyfooting around either, ok? You want the full blown Kosher Garlic Dill pickles: the kind that frightens children and drives away small woodland animals.

Owning a Jade Plant. A low-maintenance plant excellent for lazy schmucks such as Rickey. Bright and snazzy, these bastards get big if given proper growing conditions. What, no sunlight in your humble abode? Well then switch dwellings then you stubborn Troglodyte.

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5 comments:

Adam said...

Yep.

I own a Lenin flask (for real). Rickey, what sad little demographic do you and I fit into that we keep ending up with all of these similarities? Jews with short-attention spans? The baseball/24/movie obsessions? Rickster, if you were a chick, I'd do you rotten. (Too soon?)

Rickey Henderson said...

yeek, yeah, TOO SOON.

Mike said...

So Rick the Quick is a fellow Tribe Member (at least half of him; the slow, white half I'm guessing). No wonder all the geeky stat-boys like me loved him as a ballplayer.

Does he dig Asian chicks, too?

Rickey Henderson said...

No comment--I'll get in trouble with Ms. Henderson.

Sylvana said...

I've caught a couple of your posts and I must say...

HA!! You are one funny guy!

Flasks are always cool - like pocket watches.

(BTW I got here from SSB's blog)