Sunday, February 4, 2007

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

Well its Sunday and Rickey is briefly poking his head up like some primordial gopher to see just what's happening in the wonderful world of sports. Ah yes, the Superbowl you say? Never heard of it. But it would help to explain why Rickey has been eating buffalo chicken tenders all day and is now certain that he needs a cesarean section. Louisiana hot sauce is a fickle mistress, and now Rickey, much like Icarus, feels that he has flown too close to the sun on borrowed wings. But in the greater scheme of things, I'm just playing my part as a responsible television viewer. The whole Superbowl sunday extravaganza is a celebration of excess. Carefully synchronized million dollar ad breaks, binge nacho consumption, happily unattainable cheerleaders, moronic sports commentators, mediocre musical acts, Viagara and beer promos... it's the American dream in action. A study in gross superfluity.

So just when Rickey thought that the Superbowl nonsense couldn't possibly be more bloated and unnecessary, he comes across THIS which in no shape or form surprises Rickey whatsoever. Quarterbacks with these skeletons in their closets need to be altogether permanently barred from the game of football. If this newfound footage doesn't effect the odds on this evening's matchup, then I'm fleeing the country for more saner climes.

Update #1: CBS is airing a pregame show with Cirque De Soleil. Oddly enough, the audience is really getting into it and applauding. Are these people that drunk already? How strong was the sun in Miami today?

Update #2: Wait, both coaches in the Superbowl are black? Why wasn't Rickey aware of this? The sports media really dropped the ball on this one...

Update #3: Normally Rickey stands and removes his Mets cap for the singing of the National Anthem (even if he's completely alone while watching a sporting event on tv) but not when Billy "multiple drunken car crashes" Joel is performing it. And why couldn't the Superbowl organizers have presented Billy Joel with a bottle of vodka, a clown car, and told him to drive himself onto midfield and belt out the National Anthem? See, ideas like this are why I should be commissioner of the NFL.

Update #4: The coin toss. Da Bears win the toss. Rex Grossman celebrates by having an endzone threesome involving Dan Marino and Archie Manning's wife. Peyton Manning promptly wets himself.

Update #5: Wow, a 92 yard punt return by the Bears. That's a first. Color me impressed.

Update #6: Double wow, a Manning interception. Looks like the Bears' defense will be doing most of the work this evening.

Update #7: Sweet jebus, back to back fumbles and a botched extra point attempt? I'll bet the NFL misses Detroit right about now. This is shaping up to be a wild and waterlogged game. Okey dokey, Rickey's gotta go--this matchup clearly demands his undivided attention. Enjoy the game folks.

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6 comments:

Adam said...

I'm guessing the later updates in that posting were lost amidst a cloud of beer and boredom. What a underwhelming game.

I had more excitement on my way to the Superbowl party yesterday-- true story, my car broke down on I-287, just before the Sprain exit. Here I am, with an 18-pack of Bud Light and no way of getting to the party in time! Long story short, I got a tow truck, it looks like the car may actually live on (talked to my mechanic about a half-hour ago, he got it started). It's got 223K miles on it. Without exaggeration, this car is a member of my family at this point. Wish me luck, Rickey!

Rickey Henderson said...

Yikes, well that's one way to spend the Superbowl. Rickey's car got like 14, 15 years on it. 201K and miraculously running strong. Live '91 Volvo damn you, live!

Best of luck Adam.

Rickey Henderson said...

And yes, this year, like most Superbowls was a complete and utter snoozefest. CBS owes me 3 hours of my life back. Next year I'm watching "Puppy Bowl" on Animal Planet.

http://deadspin.com/sports/puppy-bowl/refreshingly-free-of-jim-nantz-its-puppy-bowl-iii-233826.php/

Mike said...

Good stuff, Rickster. Mike didn't know that Rickey knew his Greek myth stuff so well.

Mike felt that the Icarus story was just the type that might cause Rickey trouble. Afterall, the concept of "too close to the sun" seems foreihn to Rickey.

Rickey Henderson said...

In all fairness, most of Rickey's knowledge of Greek myths is derived from fuzzy memories of Edith Hamilton's works, "Bullfinch's Mythology," and late night reruns of "Hercules: The Legendary Journeys."

Evil Spock said...

Evil Spock would like to point out Evil Spock's been writing in the third person since about October.

Rickey is on notice.